This year, Christmas crept up on me. Mainly because there were so many events leading up to it. Now I find myself days away from the actual day and I haven't even wrapped presents yet! I am not panicking though. I am actually kinda sad leading up to it because the Christmas I knew growing up is gone for the time being. My family and I used to have this big lead up into Christmas. We'd have a big dinner on the 24th with family and friends, watch the carols on tv for a while, go to midnight mass and then open presents once we got home. I remember, as kids, my cousins and I would run home before the priest has even delivered the final blessing because we were so excited about the presents! These days, those memories are nothing but distant. Times change. People change. And here I am still holding onto memories. I loved that tradition. I loved being surrounded by family and friends. That's what Christmas is all about.
These days, I have to make new traditions.
Why?
Because people just won't let go.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
On Forward We Go
Let's make one thing clear... moving sucks! Everything involved in it is not fun at all. Except maybe the cute beefcakes we hired to move our stuff. Aside from that, I really do not like it. I don't like packing because my husband is anal and has his own system which I never seem to get right. I don't like unpacking because I hate putting all those things in their little places - although I have to admit I felt some sort of satisfaction putting away the condiments because the cupboards were bigger and they all fit in one space. I don't like telling dear husband what I want moved and I walk into the old place and the things are still there! Totally overlooked! I don't like that I will be the part timer who is expected to take on majority of the work when I am pregnant and can't do as much as I normally do... and when I don't do as much, someone always gets cranky - I DON'T LIKE IT!
I don't know how people could move so many times in their lives. I like to be situated in one place and preferably for a very long time. I like the idea of a "forever" house. Once upon a time I heaped all my dreams in a house that I thought was our forever house. Unfortunately, it lasted all but 4 years and we had to let it go because a lot of heartached ensued for everyone involved. Maybe one day I can dream again... and this time, it will be ours forever.
Meanwhile... I still do not like moving! On that note... I better start gathering more little things to haul out to the new abode. This time, I hope no one changes their mind and we have to do this all again in a year's time. UGH!
I don't know how people could move so many times in their lives. I like to be situated in one place and preferably for a very long time. I like the idea of a "forever" house. Once upon a time I heaped all my dreams in a house that I thought was our forever house. Unfortunately, it lasted all but 4 years and we had to let it go because a lot of heartached ensued for everyone involved. Maybe one day I can dream again... and this time, it will be ours forever.
Meanwhile... I still do not like moving! On that note... I better start gathering more little things to haul out to the new abode. This time, I hope no one changes their mind and we have to do this all again in a year's time. UGH!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Tiger
Awwww Tiger... nothing like the public knowing about your private affairs. If you think about it, millions of couples deal with their problems in relative anonymosity. Tiger Woods is Tiger Woods. Now everyone knows. No one is infallible.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
2009 is Nearly Over
2009 is nearly over and I haven't written a single thing for a very long time. I wanted to really keep this up but got caught up in the rat race and neglected this. Lately, I have started to realise that I am missing out on noting down important things in my life because most days I am just so busy that life passes by without a backward glance. I really really want to start writing again. About my life. About my loved ones. Just about anything.
Best thing for me to do is to just start from whatever comes to mind.
1) I really dislike moving and everything that goes with it! I am surrounded by a sea of boxes and the hallway is like a maze that extends into the bedrooms. I just want a genie to magically put everything in the new place already. I just want to put my Christmas tree up. That's what I want to do. I love Christmas and I just want my tree up already.
2) So, yesterday we went to have dinner with mum. She had some prawns but didn't know what to do. My dear son wanted pasta. So I invented something that tasted brilliant at the end using those prawns and pasta. Added some tomatoes, onions and garlic and viola - my own version of a marinara pasta dish. Sometimes the best things come from the simplest things.
3) I am 15 weeks pregnant today. Little Bean (my hubby came up with the name) has a good strong heartbeat and my blood pressure is all good. I have a little belly pouch thing happening now where you kinda look like you had one too many hamburgers. I am so happy that the morning sickness is gone too because that was just not the best feeling in the world. At the same time, it was good to feel it because it was a reminder that I was pregnant.
4) I am addicted to Facebook.
5) I just came back from a long overdue trip overseas with my son. He got to meet all 3 living grandmothers (oone from my side and two from my hubby's). That was very special to me. He was very gracious with the women. He kinda freaked out the first time he met my grandmother because she must be the oldest person he has met ever. The second time he met her, he was very entertaining and was very sweet. He made me proud. Furthermore, in this same trip, I got to take him to his first Disneyland park. He loved it! I am looking forward to more Disneyland trips with him, hubby (who missed out on this one) and Little Bean :o)
6) At the moment, whenever we go somewhere or do something, my son wants to know how many minutes it will take. Everything revolves around "how many minutes" or numbers basically. Today, he said there are a million days in December! And that a toy he wants is "only $30" when it actually says you save $30 but the actual price is $99 lol. He looked through the whole Toys R' Us catalogue and he seemed to "need" a toy in each page. Even the girly toys. He wants a kitchen and a doll "that closes she's eyes when it lies down". On the same breath he also wants a PSP, a train set and a tool set (comes complete with its own cupboard to store your tools in).
I can not think of anything else to write. That will have to do for now. I am making my new year's resolution early... I will try my hardest to keep up this blog. Also, another new year's resolution is I will try to also take one photo everyday for the whole of 2010. I kinda did that this year but I am sure there were days when I totally forgot. So there you have it... set those resolutions in stone!
xoxo
Friday, May 23, 2008
Two Twenty A.M.
There's nothing like sitting in silence to gain some perspective in life. I choose to remain positive. That's not such a bad thing. I like my luxurious things once in a while. I like dressing up. I like chocolate. I like a lot of things.
At this time my mind kinda wonders. It wanders from "Where the heck are all the scrabble players?" to "What can i do with $900,000?" I tell you what $900,000 can do... it can pay off our house and all the debt we had accumulated. And then it can buy me another dream handbag. But will money really solve all our problems? Not really but it would definitely ease the load. Isn't the case with everyone? Happy are those who don't worry about money and are also happy within themselves.
Here's a funny story. My sister blew her nose hard. So hard it made a funny noise. My son (almost 3) heard and said "Bless you!" My sister said "It's not a sneeze. I blew my nose." Almost 3 year old son said "Oh." My sister blew her nose again and made the same noise. My son said "You are so silly!" My sister laughed and blew her nose a third time. My son turned around and said "Excuse me!" Poor kid. Had no idea how to react to THAT he he. This story made me laugh hard today. Love it!
Did you know that i get nauseated the later i stay up? Unless i am out partying then no nausea there. Hence, i can't eat. Never was one to have a midnight snack.
I love looking at people's photos.
I know why sometimes people say the silence is deafening. Along with it anxiety grips your heart.
I don't know how people do blogs. I have no particular topic. I have no theme. I just write whatever pops into my head. Maybe i will talk about the people here with me today.
Okay - PERSON ONE. Crabby. Always seems crabby. Negative vibe and seem to just enjoy telling people what they have done wrong. Makes her assertive but too rude. When she does talk to me, i am appalled that she has spoken to me because i gave up with the niceties a long time ago. She is what hubby would call toxic. I don't make a habit of talking to toxic people. I don't trust her. She's a good worker though. She does her job well i think.
PERSON TWO. She likes to talk. She's great. She has many stories usually about her kids. I heard through the grapevine that she is divorced. That made me sad for her because she spoke about her hubby as if they were meant for each other. Sometimes fairy tales don't end with happily ever afters. But she's still laughing and seem to just go on. But sometimes i see her tinged with sadness.
PERSON THREE. Don't really know him but he's always quite pleasant to me which makes it difficult to imagine that the very same person has caused my friend grief. Funny how people are.
PERSON FOUR. Don't know him much either but he should stop roaming the corridors with a blanket thrown over his head because he looks like a freaking ghost!
Those are the people i am working with today. That's enough.
Well, i am off. I am back to check whether someone is avaialable to play scrabble. God bless one of my dear friends who is keeping me company online. Kudos to you.
Au revoir.
At this time my mind kinda wonders. It wanders from "Where the heck are all the scrabble players?" to "What can i do with $900,000?" I tell you what $900,000 can do... it can pay off our house and all the debt we had accumulated. And then it can buy me another dream handbag. But will money really solve all our problems? Not really but it would definitely ease the load. Isn't the case with everyone? Happy are those who don't worry about money and are also happy within themselves.
Here's a funny story. My sister blew her nose hard. So hard it made a funny noise. My son (almost 3) heard and said "Bless you!" My sister said "It's not a sneeze. I blew my nose." Almost 3 year old son said "Oh." My sister blew her nose again and made the same noise. My son said "You are so silly!" My sister laughed and blew her nose a third time. My son turned around and said "Excuse me!" Poor kid. Had no idea how to react to THAT he he. This story made me laugh hard today. Love it!
Did you know that i get nauseated the later i stay up? Unless i am out partying then no nausea there. Hence, i can't eat. Never was one to have a midnight snack.
I love looking at people's photos.
I know why sometimes people say the silence is deafening. Along with it anxiety grips your heart.
I don't know how people do blogs. I have no particular topic. I have no theme. I just write whatever pops into my head. Maybe i will talk about the people here with me today.
Okay - PERSON ONE. Crabby. Always seems crabby. Negative vibe and seem to just enjoy telling people what they have done wrong. Makes her assertive but too rude. When she does talk to me, i am appalled that she has spoken to me because i gave up with the niceties a long time ago. She is what hubby would call toxic. I don't make a habit of talking to toxic people. I don't trust her. She's a good worker though. She does her job well i think.
PERSON TWO. She likes to talk. She's great. She has many stories usually about her kids. I heard through the grapevine that she is divorced. That made me sad for her because she spoke about her hubby as if they were meant for each other. Sometimes fairy tales don't end with happily ever afters. But she's still laughing and seem to just go on. But sometimes i see her tinged with sadness.
PERSON THREE. Don't really know him but he's always quite pleasant to me which makes it difficult to imagine that the very same person has caused my friend grief. Funny how people are.
PERSON FOUR. Don't know him much either but he should stop roaming the corridors with a blanket thrown over his head because he looks like a freaking ghost!
Those are the people i am working with today. That's enough.
Well, i am off. I am back to check whether someone is avaialable to play scrabble. God bless one of my dear friends who is keeping me company online. Kudos to you.
Au revoir.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Everyone's Leaving on a Jet Plane
Lately wherever i turn i find that everyone i seem to know is going somewhere overseas on a holiday. Just to rub it in. I drink in their photos... the sites... the new things to see. Once upon a time that was my lifestyle. I would go on holiday for two months at a time once a year - overseas. I was free to explore our world. Then a hundred thousand things happened and i find myself in my predicament. Unable to go anywhere - i mean how could i when even the simple matter of renewing my passport hasn't been attended to. We are currently tied to a mortgage that is not benefiting us at all due to unkept promises. Dreams down the gurgler. Everyone will walk away from the sale of this property with a place except us. That sometimes make me feel bitter inside and it makes me cry when i am in the mood.
BUT let's not dwell on that. I shall concentrate on what i want the universe to throw back at me.
I want to travel again!!! I want to do that. Definitely... i want to go to Japan and go to Kyoto and dress up like a geisha. I want to take my son to Disneyworld. I want to chill out on the sands of Fiji. Anywhere... anytime... just over there somewhere!
I want to keep my house but hey let's throw that in the bucket of wishes too... coz it might come true.
NEXT TOPIC... what to do what to do? I know family has ties that bind but what do you do when other members just continuously beat down at you and no matter what you do they seem to have so many opinions about your life? SHUT UP! That's what i want to tell them. Shut up! If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. It hurt me that you are able to just say things like that about me. It hurts me that you never let me in your life anymore. It hurts me when you tell me you miss me and then you turn around and say nasty things behind my back. It hurts me that we were once so close and now you push me away. I know i should just let it go and leave you be but i don't know why i let you hurt me. You need to grow up.
NEXT to address another person in my life... are you for real? I mean truly? In the grand scheme of things do you really care for me all that much .. a lot ... or not at all? Am i just being stupid? Or is it worth it? And if it is real then why do i doubt you so? I don't want to doubt you because one day i think you will surprise me further.
Now i am thinking how am i going to interact with certain people i may or may not see. I idolised this person. I'm talking about being a young kid looking up to this person and wishing i would turn out like her when i grow up. I set my standards high because of her. I longed to be like her. Now i don't know how to interact with her. In so many ways she has everything. But is she still someone i look up to or just someone that i once upon a time knew? I don't know. I don't even know if i will see her. I am already thinking about what to wear and what to say and what to do.
Once upon a time i used to look up to a family. I thought "Wow they have everything!" I was in awe with the amount of cars they owned... their beautiful home... the designer clothes they wore... the food they ate... they seemed so far away from my middle class life. We then move to Sydney and slowly i was no longer exposed to that social class that seemed to divide people in the Philippines. I liked my new home. Fast forward to now... i can no longer look up to that family because beneath those beautiful things lies ugly secrets. I sometimes think to myself now that my definition of happiness may have altered. Maybe i just don't find their whole package attractive anymore because i have been exposed to other things and know more things. I am free from that.
Alas i have just suffered major verbal diarhhoea! To add to that - the comma button on my laptop is broken and won't produce commas. Well i will end this here. Til the next brain output adieu!
BUT let's not dwell on that. I shall concentrate on what i want the universe to throw back at me.
I want to travel again!!! I want to do that. Definitely... i want to go to Japan and go to Kyoto and dress up like a geisha. I want to take my son to Disneyworld. I want to chill out on the sands of Fiji. Anywhere... anytime... just over there somewhere!
I want to keep my house but hey let's throw that in the bucket of wishes too... coz it might come true.
NEXT TOPIC... what to do what to do? I know family has ties that bind but what do you do when other members just continuously beat down at you and no matter what you do they seem to have so many opinions about your life? SHUT UP! That's what i want to tell them. Shut up! If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. It hurt me that you are able to just say things like that about me. It hurts me that you never let me in your life anymore. It hurts me when you tell me you miss me and then you turn around and say nasty things behind my back. It hurts me that we were once so close and now you push me away. I know i should just let it go and leave you be but i don't know why i let you hurt me. You need to grow up.
NEXT to address another person in my life... are you for real? I mean truly? In the grand scheme of things do you really care for me all that much .. a lot ... or not at all? Am i just being stupid? Or is it worth it? And if it is real then why do i doubt you so? I don't want to doubt you because one day i think you will surprise me further.
Now i am thinking how am i going to interact with certain people i may or may not see. I idolised this person. I'm talking about being a young kid looking up to this person and wishing i would turn out like her when i grow up. I set my standards high because of her. I longed to be like her. Now i don't know how to interact with her. In so many ways she has everything. But is she still someone i look up to or just someone that i once upon a time knew? I don't know. I don't even know if i will see her. I am already thinking about what to wear and what to say and what to do.
Once upon a time i used to look up to a family. I thought "Wow they have everything!" I was in awe with the amount of cars they owned... their beautiful home... the designer clothes they wore... the food they ate... they seemed so far away from my middle class life. We then move to Sydney and slowly i was no longer exposed to that social class that seemed to divide people in the Philippines. I liked my new home. Fast forward to now... i can no longer look up to that family because beneath those beautiful things lies ugly secrets. I sometimes think to myself now that my definition of happiness may have altered. Maybe i just don't find their whole package attractive anymore because i have been exposed to other things and know more things. I am free from that.
Alas i have just suffered major verbal diarhhoea! To add to that - the comma button on my laptop is broken and won't produce commas. Well i will end this here. Til the next brain output adieu!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
It's Raining Again...
Sometimes, i smile but inside i really am not. When i think no one is watching... i let myself cry and only my little one can see. Sometimes he comes up to me and asks me if i am happy or if i am ok. Sometimes that's all i need - someone to show that they care what's happening inside me... to know that i still exist you know?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... wow... not a good time to write... i am premenstrual and i tend to let myself tell the truth around this time because i have the cover that i can because i am hormonal. Go figure. WHy is the truth always hardest to tell?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... wow... not a good time to write... i am premenstrual and i tend to let myself tell the truth around this time because i have the cover that i can because i am hormonal. Go figure. WHy is the truth always hardest to tell?
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